By Mathew T 04/13/2014
Some people have this idea that gophers are cute, innocent, playful, and happy little creatures that want to frolic around in green spaces and live happily ever after. This is a lie! That is not what gophers do.
This is the gopher…
Gophers are tiny little animals that are hell bent on destruction. They want to destroy everything that you have built…. ever. Your grass, your garden, your house, your wife, your family, your kids, your job, EVERYTHING!
The gopher is not your friend. He is not your furry little buddy. He is like having Hitler hanging out in your back yard. I mean really, are you gonna say… “hey Hitler, come over to my house for a beer”, or “man, Hitler, hope you can make it to my kid’s B-day party ’cause you’re such an awesome guy.” No… you would never say this… ever.
So I can only recommend reaching a certain understanding with the horrid little creature. You must destroy him before he destroys you. And the clock doesn’t have much time on it. The gopher will make everything great about your yard disappear faster than Obama can grab your paycheck and give it to someone else…. like the damn gopher!
Anyway, the point is, you must destroy him. Let me preface what I’m about to say with this… I am not a professional and the below statements are simply my opinions… and I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things… so if you try any of this… it’s at your own risk and not mine.
Alright, here is how you could make the little beast scram.
Method 1: This is the kind and gentle way. You go buy a sonic spike and put it in your yard near his hole. I did this and it actually worked and the gophers have been gone for over a year. You need to follow this up with a healthy dose of steer manure which you will shove down all his holes. The gopher will not like this. How would you like it if someone shoved a giant pile of stinky sh*t in your front door? Your neighbors may also not like this approach but they’ll only be mad at you for a couple days. People get over stuff faster than you think most of the time.
Method 2: This is where things get a little nasty. You get a pointy steel shovel, two gopher traps, some old food, a garden hose, and a bunch of gopher bombs (Home Depot or Lowes has them). First, shove the bombs in his stupid little house and torch them off. Then laugh boisterously in an evil type of way like “BWAHAHAHAHAHA!” Very good. Now, flood out his whole network of tunnels by slamming your hose as far into the tunnel as you can. As water starts shooting out at his other entrances (which will now become visible as the flood of water continues) you will take your shovel and keep putting dirt in the other entrances because if the bombs and gas didn’t kill the little guy, you want him to drown. After that’s all done and if you still don’t see a body, you must do the following step. Set the two gopher traps in his main tunnel with the old food. Come back the next morning and he should be dead. You need a body. If there’s no body, he’s still alive… guarantee.
Method 3: I have not tried this but in theory this could work. As I said above, this is at your own risk. If the hole isn’t near any structures or walls, disconnect the propane tank from your grill and hook up a hose to it… you’ll have to disengage the safety valve somehow. Now pipe a ton of propane into his hole. Then back up and torch it all off!
The gopher is now history. You should still search for his charred little remains just to give yourself closure about the whole situation and for some type of physical confirmation that he is really dead. This is important if you have OCD like me. Your yard and garden, and other stuff might be history too… but think of the message that you’ll be sending to the other gophers here. That’s the real value with this. All the other gophers will be shaking in their little paws… or they’ll be dead, but you know what? They won’t be putting any more tunnels in your back yard.
That’s right, you can thank me later.
Nice blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it
from somewhere? A theme like yours with a few simple adjustements would
really make my blog jump out. Please let me know where you got your theme.
Bless you
Thanks for ones marvelous posting! I definitely enjoyed
reading it, you’re a great author.I will make certain to bookmark your
blog and will often come back at some point. I want to
encourage continue your great writing, have a nice holiday
weekend!
The vehicles are rated on five categories that include battle tier, same type battle tier, same type and tier, same tier and the clan war mode.
Avoid knocking over trees because that reveals your presence.
If you are engaging an enemy you should only stand still long enough to aim and fire.
Excellent blog here! Also your web site loads up fast!
I wish my website loaded up as quickly as yours. Thanks for sharing with us your wonderful ideas
using your blog.
Wonderful goods from you, man. I have consider your stuff prior to and you
are simply extremely magnificent. I actually like what you’ve bought here, certainly like what
you are saying and the way in which you say it. You’re making it enjoyable
and you still take care of to stay it sensible. I can’t wait to read far more from you.
That is actually a great website.
Ahaa, its good conversation about this paragraph here at this web site, I have
read all that, so at this time me also commenting at this place.
My brother suggested I would possibly like this blog.
He used to be entirely right. This submit actually
made my day. You can not believe just how so much
time I had spent for this information! Thanks!
Thank you for the post.I like your writing style and I’m trying to begin a
blog myself, I think I may read thru all your posts
for some tips! Thank you once more.
Its llike you read myy thoughts! You appear to understand
a lot approximately this, like you wrote tthe e-book in itt or something.
I believe that you just could do with some p.c. too power the message home a bit, but instead of that, this is magnificent blog.
An excellent read. I’ll definitely be back.
Wonderful post, I’m looking forward to hear more from you!!
Hi there it’s me, I am also visiting this website regularly, this site is in fact
nice and the people are in fact sharing fastidious thoughts.
Il me tɑrde de lire votre prochain post
Greetings from Florida! I’m bored to tears at work
so I decided to browse your website on my iphone during lunch break.
I love the info you provide here and can’t wait to take a look
when I get home. I’m surprised at how fast
your blog loaded on my mobile .. I’m not even using WIFI, just 3G ..
Anyhow, superb blog!
This is very interesting, You’re a very skilled blogger.
I have joined your rss feed and look forward to seeking more
of your magnificent post. Also, I’ve shared your website in my social networks!
Thanks for another informative blog. Where else could I am getting that type of information written in such an ideal
approach? I have a mission that I am just now working on,
and I’ve been at the look out for such info.
Hi there friends, pleasant piece of writing and pleasant urging commented
at this place, I am genuinely enjoying by these.
Hi, every time i used to check website posts here in the early hours in the daylight, since i like to learn more and more.
I got this web page from my friend who informed me regarding this web page and now this
time I am visiting this web page and reading very informative
articles or reviews here.
I got this web site from my friend who told me concerning this site and at the moment
this time I am visiting this site and reading very informative articles here.
I know this website presents quality based content and extra data, is there any
other website which presents these kinds of stuff in quality?
This is really interesting, You’re a very skilled blogger.
I’ve joined your rss feed and look forward to seeking more of your fantastic post.
Also, I’ve shared your web site in my social networks!
Everything is very open with a precise description of the issues.
It was really informative. Your website is very useful. Many thanks for sharing!
Hello Dear, are you genuinely visiting this web site
daily, if so then you will without doubt obtain good experience.
Excellent site you’ve got here.. It’s hard to find high-quality writing
like yours these days. I honestly appreciate individuals like you!
Take care!!
What ?
If some one wants expert view concerning blogging and site-building
after that i suggest him/her to pay a visit this weblog, Keep
up the pleasant job.
We absolutely love your blog and find many of your post’s to be precisely what I’m looking for.
Do you offer guest writers to write content to suit your needs?
I wouldn’t mind producing a post or elaborating on a number of the subjects you write regarding here.
Again, awesome site!
It’s really a great and helpful piece of info.
I’m glad that you simply shared this useful info with us. Please keep us informed like this.
Thank you for sharing.
Hi, all is going perfectly here and ofcourse every one is sharing information, that’s really excellent,
keep up writing.
Have you ever considered writing an ebook or guest authoring on other blogs?
I have a blog based upon on the same ideas you discuss and would love to have you share some
stories/information. I know my readers would appreciate your work.
If you are even remotely interested, feel free to send me an e mail.
I appreciate you for sharing this post, I’m a big fan of this site would like to be kept up to
date.